Cravings

By K.T. Chambers
enough Bartending is probably not the best career for a recovering alcoholic, but it was never exactly Kat’s dream job. She’s far more concerned with her skeazy ex-boyfriend booty calling her after a night of binge drinking and idiocy. Even more concerned with the fact that she rarely turns him down. Between her ex trying to lure her back to the dark side, her crazy best friend Lisa who is trying her damndest to set her up with ANYONE other than her ex, and the mysterious but drop-dead gorgeous Scott who has started frequenting her bar, Kat isn’t even sure what she wants anymore.

Chapter 1

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Kat slowly lifted her head just slightly from the table, and let it fall to smack her forehead on the hard surface yet again.

Across the table from her, Lisa snorted. “I don’t know what you’re so upset about.” She muttered.

Kat rolled her head to the side, training one eye on her best friend and attempting to glare.

The attempt failed miserably. Lisa raised her eyebrows innocently over her double mocha caramel frappe. “Don’t look at me like that. That guy was a total jerk.”

Kat raised her head to stare at her friend. “You asked him who you had to screw to get me a job there!” She squeaked.

“So?” Lisa plopped her coffee back on the table. “He threatened to call the police, ferchrisake!”

Now Kat sat bolt upright. “Only after you threatened to ‘Smite’ him with your ‘All-Mighty Vagina‘!” Kat whispered fiercely, hooking her fingers in air quotes.

Lisa chuckled, obviously very pleased with herself. “Yeah, that was a good one.”

Kat let her head fall back onto the table.

Most cafes would have tossed the two friends out by now, but all of the employees at the Caffeine Hut were used to them. And really, it was only Lisa that they ever had to worry about. Lisa was short and plump, with dark red hair, brown eyes, freckles, and a fiery temper. She spoke her mind to anyone within earshot, without any attempt at censoring herself. Her friend, Kat was much quieter by comparison. Nearly a foot taller than Lisa with light brown hair, grey eyes and a slender figure, Kat didn’t really say much of anything to anyone other than her best friend.

Lisa rolled her eyes. “Come on, Kat, don’t be melodramatic. You wouldn’t have wanted to work with that jackass anyway. And it was me they escorted from the premises and banned, not you.”

“You’re not allowed to help me job hunt anymore.” Kat’s voice was muffled by the table.

“Drink your coffee, whiney.”

Kat rolled her head back and forth and groaned. “I don’t understand how it can not bother you that less than an hour ago you were escorted out of a bookstore by and armed police officer.”

Lisa shrugged. “Well, he was sweet. Even if he wouldn’t handcuff me like I asked him to.” Lisa’s eyes twinkled as she eyed Kat over her coffee. “He was super hot, too.”

“You’re married, Lisa.”

“But you’re not, Kat.”

Kat sighed. “Lisa, you’ve got to stop trying to set me up with random people you see on the street.”

“Well, you need to stop refusing to date anyone, ever.” Lisa said coolly around her straw.

Kat continued as if she hadn’t heard. “You sound like my damn pimp! There we are, standing on a street corner waiting for the light to turn so we can cross, and a nice car will pass by, and I’ll be like ‘Wow, what a nice car.’ And then out of nowhere you’re like one of those auction people. ‘Hey, dude, my friend loves your car! How about a date? Don’t be fooled by the bun and glasses, she’s a wildcat in the sack! What do you say to dinner and a movie? Dinner and a movie, and you can see her boobs! Look at these boobs! These are some fan-TAS-tic boobs!'”

Lisa grinned. “You do have some pretty fantastic boobs.”

Kat finally lifted her head and propped it up on her hand. She didn’t even bother trying to glare. Glaring didn’t even register on Lisa’s radar. “Besides, if Henry saw me with another guy, he’d freak.”

Lisa’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “Henry dumped you. And he’s a useless prick that needs to be put out of his misery.”

Kat frowned. “He’s got a job.” she said, confused.

Lisa grimaced “As a DJ. At a strip club.” She rolled her eyes and waved dismissively before Kat could protest. “I know, I know, he DJs other places too. But doesn’t make him useful, just employed. And either way, he’s a prick and you deserve better.”

Kat sighed. “I’ll worry about that later.” she said dismissively. Lisa frowned. “Besides, my shift is about to start.”

Lisa grimaced. “We have to get you out of that bar, Kat.”

Kat stood and started gathering her things to leave. “Well, I’ve lasted this long.” she said. She slung her purse over one shoulder and grabbed her coffee with her free hand. She paused and smiled at Lisa. “Though, all things considered, I’m definitely taking over the job hunt.”

Lisa threw her hands up. “Omigosh, one time I get us thrown out of a bookstore-“ “One time today, you mean?” Kat interrupted.

Lisa slumped back down and glared at Kat. “Shoo, you ungrateful creature.” she said, flapping her hand.

Kat giggled, and paused to kiss her friend on the cheek. “Thanks for the coffee.” she said. She straightened out and started heading for the door to the cafe. “I’ll see you later!” she called over her shoulder.

Lisa sat staring at her coffee for a few minutes before she abruptly snatched her phone up from the table, snapped it open, and started jamming buttons.

Jason’s phone

Lisa (Crazy Chick): You need to fire Kat.

Lisa was almost to her car before her phone buzzed.

My awesome phone:

Jason (Sex Monkey): No

She tossed her phone in her purse and her purse in the car. “‘No’ my ass.” She muttered.

Chapter 2

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 “Finally!” Erin cried the instant Kat came into view. “Where have you been?”

Kat smiled and shrugged apologetically. “Lisa got me coffee.” She said, holding up the cup.

Erin wasn’t paying attention. She was rapidly shedding what she could of her uniform – which was pretty much just the vest, and apron – while simultaneously counting down and closing out her drawer. It was creepy, and slightly impressive.

Erin was always in a hurry to leave, and Kat wasn’t sure why. All she ever did was whine about how boring her personal life was. “Outta here.” Erin said, breezing past Kat with a little wave. “Have fun.”

Kat rolled her eyes. Right, fun. Erin always worked the lunch shift, and always left a mess.

She reached under the bar for her apron. The uniform at “The Place” was blissfully conservative after her last job. A white button down shirt, black vest, black pants, black apron. It all fit her closely, but she didn’t have to flash unpleasant amounts of cleavage or ass, either, and she was grateful.

Kat grabbed a towel and started getting ready for the dinner rush.

Chapter 3

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 “Why would you want me to fire your best friend?”

Lisa stood with her hands on her hips, glaring at her husband. “Kat shouldn’t be working at a bar, she hates working at bars, Jason, you know it!”

“No,” Jason said, placing his hands on Lisa’s shoulders. “She hated working at a strip club. She’s been fine for two years at The Place, and she needs to pay her bills somehow.”

Lisa’s foot began to tap. “She’s about to relapse, I just know it.”

Jason rolled his eyes. “Lisa,” he said, trying to sound soothing. “Kat isn’t going to relapse. She’s a very strong willed woman. Besides, she was never an alcoholic to begin with.”

“First of all, Kat isn’t that strong willed. I’m strong willed. Kat is a doormat woven of happy thoughts, sweetness and light compared to me.”

Jason dropped his hands from his wife’s shoulders. “Hitler was a doormat woven of happy thoughts, sweetness and light compared to you.” He muttered. And secondly,” Lisa continued, raising her voice slightly. “You weren’t there the night that jackass dumped her at the strip club, for one of the strippers.”

Jason sank down on the couch. He loved his wife, but the woman could be damned exhausting. “I’m sure she’s over that by now, it’s been two years.” He said.

Lisa turned to face the couch. “He still late-night-booty-calls her every other week.” She said. Jason raised both eyebrows. “And she hasn’t been with anyone since.”

Jason shook his head. “How could you possibly know that?” He asked, incredulous.

Lisa tisked at him. “What do you think women talk about? I know all about who she’s been with. And it’s no one, except the one douche bag. She’s gun shy. Now that she’s been with one loser, she’s afraid she’ll end up like her mother! Whoring it up every other week after a drug binge, and dying before she hits menopause of, like, three STDs.”

Jason eyes his wife from under lowered lids. “Does your best friend know you think so kindly of her mother?”

Lisa put her hands on her hips. “Of course.” she said, frowning. Jason shook his head. He already knew that. As if his wife ever pulled her punches?

Lisa lifted a hand from her hip and pointed at him accusingly. “Eventually that poor girl is gonna crack, and if she falls off the wagon because you refused to fire her, I am so cutting you off.”

Jason laughed. “You’re not cutting me off, and I’m not gonna fire Kat. She’ll be fine.”

Lisa pouted and stepped over to flop down on the couch next to him. “I wish she would just let me set her up with a decent guy.”

Jason snorted. “Like you know any decent men?”

“I do so know decent men!” Lisa said defensively. “I tried to introduce her to a cop earlier today.” As soon as the words left her mouth, she flinched.

Jason raised an eyebrow. “You tried to set her up with a cop?”

Lisa shrugged and wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“Exactly how did you know this cop?”

“Oh…you know….around.” Lisa muttered.

“Around where?”

“Around…around, around the, um, bookstore.” Still refused to meet his eyes.

“The bookstore.”

“Yes. The book store.” She cleared her throat. “That…he was escorting me out of at the manager’s request.”

Jason choked, trying to stifle his laughter. Lisa shoved him. “It’s not funny! I was just trying to help Kat get a job somewhere that doesn’t have alcohol!”

“And got an armed escort to the street for your troubles.” He said consolingly.

Lisa leaned her head on his shoulder. “I hate you.”

“No you don’t, you love me.” He said, kissing the top of her head. “And you love Kat, too. That’s why you’re being so nosy.” He paused. “Well, that and the pregnancy hormones.”

Lisa elbowed him. “We don’t know that for sure, yet! Don’t jinx it!”

Jason laughed and squeezed her shoulders. “Kat’s gonna be fine, Lisa, don’t worry about it.”

“She needs a decent boyfriend.” Lisa muttered.

“Lisa…”

“It would really help with her self esteem. Someone who’s not a douche bag spending time with her.”

“Lisa, Let Kat find her own boyfriend.”

She wasn’t listening. “I need to find Kat a decent boyfriend…” she muttered.

Jason groaned.

Chapter 4

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 “Good evening, beautiful.”

Kat’s head snapped up. She had already plastered a smile on her face, and chirped “What can I get you?” before she even knew who was talking to her.

Sitting on the barstool directly in front of her was easily the most gorgeous man she had ever seen. She gulped.

He was tall, six feet or more. His shoulders were impossibly broad, his biceps were reasonably well toned, judging by how well they filled out the sleeves of his jacket, and his stomach was flat. She couldn’t tell, because he was sitting and the bar was blocking her view, but she was certain his ass was nothing short of magnificent.

“Miss?”

She looked up to meet his very, very green eyes. His hair was bark brown or black – she couldn’t tell in the dim lighting of the bar- and his face was clean of all but the faintest stubble.

It took her a second to see that the expression on his face was one of concern, and second longer for her to realize that her mouth was hanging open.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” She apologized, and did her best to screw her smile back on. “Did you order something, and I didn’t hear you?”

He waved his hand. “No, don’t worry about it.” He said. “I’m just waiting for everyone else to arrive.”

Wow, he’s got really, really good teeth.

Kat mentally slapped herself. What was wrong with her? People don’t ogle other peoples teeth.

“Party?” She asked.

The guy looked confused for a second, then he grinned. “No, actually, business dinner.” Kat noticed for the first time what he was actually wearing. A dark, three-piece suit with a light blue shirt and dark blue tie. She swallowed hard.

Kat nodded once. “You don’t sound too excited.” She said.

The guy laughed. “That’s probably because I’m not.”

Kat laughed. She could tell that the dinner rush was about to begin, and for the first time she wished it wasn’t. Usually she appreciated the distraction.

She eyed the people who were starting to file into the restaurant and stifled a sigh. “Did you want me to make you anything while you wait?”

The man was still smiling, but shook his head. “No thanks. I’m Scott, by the way.” He said, stretching his hand over the bar.

Kat tossed her towel under the bar and reached over to shake Scott’s hand. ” Kat.”

“It’s very nice to meet you, Kat.” He seemed reluctant to let go of her hand, but he did. “Is that short for anything?”

Kat winced. “Katrina, but please don’t call me that.”

Scott raised both hands. “Say no more, the name is stricken from my memory.”

A man settled down a couple of seats away. Kat shot Scott an apologetic look, and went to take his order.

“So, how long have you been working here?” He asked.

“A couple of years. My best friend’s husband owns the place, he offered the job to me after I quit my last one.”

“Two years?” Scott asked, looking confused. “I come here nearly every week, how come I’ve never seen you?”

Kat shrugged. “I’m only ever at the bar. If you’re never in here, you wouldn’t have.”

Scott smirked. “How do you know I’m never at the bar?”

“If you ever were, I’d have remembered you.” Kats eyes widened slightly when she realized what she had said. Scott chucked, and she tried not to blush. “Besides, you don’t drink.” She said distractedly. More people had sat at the bar, but none of them had flagged her down yet.

When she looked back at Scott, he had both eyebrows raised. “How did you know I don’t drink?”

Now Kat smirked. “Well, you aren’t drinking, for one thing.” Scotts face twisted, he was trying not to smile. “And I’m pretty good at guessing that sort of thing about people, anyway.”

Sara, one of the waitresses, walked in from the dining room and set her tray on the bar with a sigh. “I’ve got a bunch for you Kat.” She said.

Kat grimaced at Scott. “Sorry, dinner rush.”

Scott shook his head. “No problem. Maybe I’ll see you later.”

Kat smiled and nodded before moving to get started on the drink orders. By the time she had turned back, he was gone.

Kat’s Phone

Henry (Jackass): were ru?

Pimptastic’s Phone

Katrina (Easy Sex): At home.

Kat’s Phone

Henry (Jackass): ru busy?

Pimptastic’s Phone

Katrina (Easy Sex): No. Are you drunk?

Kat’s Phone

Henry (Jackass): yes

Pimptastic’s Phone

Katrina (Easy Sex): If you vomit, I’m not cleaning it up.

Kat’s Phone

Henry (Jackass): omw

Chapter 5

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 Lisa eyed her friend suspiciously. “Why couldn’t we meet at your place?”

Kat shrugged. “It’s messy.”

“You place is never messy, Kat.” Lisa said, her tone flat.

Kat stepped forward as the line moved. “Do you wanna get the tickets or the popcorn?”

“For the love of god, please tell me you didn’t sleep with him!”

Some of the people in line turned to stare. Lisa ignored them.

Kat stomped her foot. “Lisa, will you keep your voice down, please?”

“No, I will not! What are you doing screwing that scumbag?”

Kat sighed, giving up. “Because he’s a scumbag with a penis.” She said, trying to keep her voice low. “Sometimes women need sex, too.”

“Drunken, slobbery douche bag sex?” Lisa asked incredulously.

Kat shrugged. “Still better than lonely, cold vibrator sex.”

Kat’s Phone

Henry (Jackass): did u call me Scott last night? who the fuck is Scott?

Pimptastic’s Phone

Katrina (Easy Sex): What do you mean ‘Who the fuck is Scott’? Since when do you remember anything after a night of drunken stupidity?

Kat’s Phone

Henry (Jackass): my name’s not Scott

Pimptastic’s Phone

Katrina (Easy Sex): Well, my name isn’t Janice, Maria, or Brandy. Maybe I just thought Scott ‘Sounded better’.

Kat’s Phone

Henry (Jackass): wtfever bitch

Chapter 6

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 “Hey, Kat.”

Kat stood bolt upright. She had been reaching under the counter for her apron. Her shift hadn’t even technically started.

Scott was settling down on a barstool, the same one he had sat at two nights ago. He wasn’t wearing a suit tonight, instead just a slightly wrinkled, blue button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and probably jeans. He was sitting by the time Kat saw him, so she wasn’t sure. Either way he looked much more relaxed, and just as mouthwatering. Which Kat found surprising. Usually the wrinklier the guy looked, the less attractive she found him. The only thing Henry ever wore was grunge.

It must be those forearms, Kat thought. Jesus, those are some nice forearms.

Again Kat caught herself gaping at him, but this time Scott just seemed kind of amused. Kat snapped her mouth shut. “I thought you only came here every week or so? It’s only been two days.”

Scott chuckled. “I said usually. And besides, I’m not here on business tonight.”

Kat unfolded her apron and started tying it around her waist. “So you’re usually here on business? I wish I had a job like that.”

Scott laughed. “Sure, if you like hanging around with jackasses bitching about their mistresses, while they figure out new ways to spend the company’s money on themselves.”

Kat shrugged, grinning. “Better than dealing with slobbery drunk people bitching about their girlfriends and wondering how much more money they’d have to shove in that strippers thong before she’d sleep with them.”

Scott laughed, looking slightly shocked. “You get that a lot, working here?”

Kat blushed and laughed. “Oh, no, I used to work at a strip club.”

Scott went from looking slightly shocked to very shocked. “You were a stripper?” he asked, his mouth hanging open.

“Oh, no!” Kat said, she help up her hands, laughing nervously. “I was a bartender there.”

Scott sighed, looking relieved. “Ok, that makes sense. You didn’t really seem like the type of girl who’d be a stripper.”

“You mean the kind of girl who would hump a pole in a thong and nothing else for the entertainment of strangers?” Kat said low. It was slow tonight, but there were still people sitting nearby.

Scott laughed. “Yes, exactly.”

Kat’s eyes were unfocused for a second, as though she were looking at something far away. When she looked back at Scott, she forced her ‘Bartender’ smile back on her face. “Nope, definitely not that kind of girl.”

Scott mouth turned down when Kat met his eyes. Her smile faltered. “What?” she asked.

Scott shook his head, smiling again. “It’s nothing.”

Chapter 7

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Kat’s Phone

Lisa (Nutjob BFF): Girl! I have a guy I want you to meet!

My Awesome Phone

Kitty Kat (BFF): Is it that guy you almost got into a fist fight with at the movie the other day?

Kat’s Phone

Lisa (Nutjob BFF): …maybe. Why?

My Awesome Phone

Kitty Kat (BFF): No, Lisa.

Kat’s Phone

Lisa (Nutjob BFF): Why not? He’s actually a really cool guy! He was just pissy cuz he’d just gotten dumped.

My Awesome Phone

Kitty Kat (BFF): I’m not gonna be the rebound for a guy who gets up in the middle of a movie and starts screaming profanities at a 30 foot image of Brad Pitt.

Kat’s Phone

Lisa (Nutjob BFF): Alright fine, what about just using him for sex? Crazy freak douchebag sex has to be better than drunken slobbery douchebag sex.

My Awesome Phone

Kitty Kat (BFF): You know, I don’t think that’s gonna happen again anytime soon. I was just really horny that night. Maybe I was ovulating…

Kat’s Phone

Lisa (Nutjob BFF): Please for the LOVE OF GOD tell me you used protection.

My Awesome Phone

Kitty Kat (BFF): YES. GOD. I’m not a fucking retard, Lisa.

Chapter 8

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 To: kittykat@woohoo.com

From: scottyknows@coldmail.com

Subject: So, I guess you don’t think I’m a stalker.

At least, not a dangerous one. Heh.

Anyway, this is my email, in case you didn’t catch it the other night. A lot of people came up to the bar at once, so I wasn’t sure.

And you never really told me why you didn’t want to be a bartender anymore. You just said it was a long story and changed the subject. Does it have anything to do with you not wanting me to buy you a drink? Or was that just because you were working?

To: scottyknows@coldmail.com

From kittykat@woohoo.com

Subject: re: So, I guess you don’t think I’m a stalker.

No, I don’t think you’re a stalker, and you were right about me losing your address. That napkin disappeared, I have no idea where it went. If someone else at the bar picked it up, it might turn out that you have a stalker. The bartender thing isn’t so much a long story as it is kind of personal. It’s just that my mom was an alcoholic. Like, a serious alcoholic. Among other things… That’s actually how I got the job at the strip club in the first place. I had just started in college when I got the news that my mom was really sick. I ended up dropping out so I could help take care of her, and the owner offered me a job, since my mom used to work there. She wasn’t the bartender, of course, but I refused to strip, so that’s what I ended up with. Turns out you only have to be 18 to serve alcohol. When she died, I ended up getting into this really unhealthy relationship, and by the time I ended it and was ready to face reality, college seemed pretty out of reach. Heh, sorry about the sob story, there. But you did ask.

So, uh, yeah, you were right about me not letting you buy me a drink. I don’t drink at all anymore.

To: kittykat@woohoo.com

From: scottyknows@coldmail.com

Subject: re: So, I guess you don’t think I’m a stalker.

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry. And it’s completely ok, I don’t mind listening. Or, reading, rather. You’re right, I did ask.

I just don’t drink because I don’t like being drunk. Or hangovers. I don’t really have a traumatizing childhood to back me up.

So I can see why bartending wouldn’t really be your ideal career. What is it you’d rather do? Maybe you could get into psychology. Isn’t that half of the job of a bartender, anyway?

To: scottyknows@coldmail.com

From kittykat@woohoo.com

Subject: re: So, I guess you don’t think I’m a stalker.

Bartenders aren’t really very good psychologists. They just seem that way because the people they’re giving advice to are drunk off their ass.

Actually, I really want to be a writer. Not like a journalist (I don’t think I’d like the investigative part of that) or a novelist or anything. I actually want to write for, like, tv shows or something. But I have absolutely no idea how someone gets to do something like that. I assume I’d have to get a degree or something.

Anyway, what’s with all of these questions for me? You know, I don’t even know what you do, except that you have to wear a suit and you get to have dinner out every week. Are you a lawyer or something?

We never really talk much when we see each other. Maybe we should meet somewhere other than where I work, while I’m working.

Chapter 9

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 Kat stared at her laptop screen, blushing hard.

Did I just ask him out? She thought. Oh god, I think I just asked him out.

“Kat, you ok?” Lisa walked in from the kitchen and dropped down on the couch next to her. “You look like someone just pasted a naked picture of you on a billboard by the highway, or something.”

Kat blinked, and then turned to eye her friend suspiciously. “You would never do that, would you?”

Lisa giggled around the giant spoon she had just stuffed in her mouth. “I won’t make any promises.” She said, her voice very muffled because her mouth was full.

Kat didn’t answer at once. She was staring at the giant bowl Lisa was holding. “Lisa…is that…is that chocolate ice cream and fruit loops?”

Lisa looked down at her bowl, and back at Kat. She widened her eyes innocently. “Maybe…”

Kat stared at her. Lisa kept her eyes wide and innocent. “Lisa…when is the last time you had anything alcoholic to drink?”

Lisa’s eyes widened further. “I’m trying to be considerate of your issues!” she said, her voice getting higher with each word.

Kat continued to stare at Lisa for a few seconds more. Lisa didn’t move, her spoon still sticking halfway out of her mouth.

Kat leapt to her feet, and Lisa followed a split second later. “You’re PREG-” Lisa slapped her hand over Kat’s mouth

“Don’t scream! Jason doesn’t know yet, the test only just came back today!”

Kat squealed as quietly as she could, and did a little dance. “Omigosh, I can’t believe you’re finally pregnant!” she whispered.

“I know!” Lisa whispered back, grinning. “I finally went to see the doctor today. I was so worried it was all in my head, you know. I’ve skipped periods before.”

Kat giggled. “I’m so happy for you guys! When are you gonna tell him?”

Lisa settled back down on the couch and stirred her freaky snack. “I was thinking at lunch next Friday, before the restaurant opens. That way all of his chefs will be there too, and everyone can hear it at once.”

Kat sat on her knees next to Lisa. “I’m invited, right?”

Lisa turned to her with her mouth wide. “Of course you, are!” she whispered.

Kat clapped her hands and squealed.

“Shh!” Lisa grabbed one of Kat’s arms to stop her clapping.

“I’m sorry, I’m just so excited!” Kat settled down, grinning at Lisa. Lisa laughed around another mouthful of fruit-loop-ice-cream globs

Kat winced. “That looks so nasty.”

“It’s really good.”

“It looks like dog barf.”

“You should try it.”

“Get that spoon away from me, ew!”

Chapter 10

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Kat’s Phone

Henry (Jackass): where ru?

Pimptastic’s Phone

Katrina (Easy Sex): I’m busy.

Kat’s Phone

Henry (Jackass): wut?

Pimptastic’s Phone

Katrina (Easy Sex): You heard me. Find someone else to bone you tonight.

Kat’s Phone

Henry (Jackass): jesus, bitch. wuts with you? 

Chapter 11

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 From: scottyknows@coldmail.com

To: kittykat@woohoo.com

Subject: Script writing

You know, I’ve actually met people who do that for a living? Actually, a lot of them do have degrees, but from what I’ve heard, it’s not really required. If you’re any good, anyway. Did you have a new show in mind, or were you more interested in being part of a writing team for an existing show?

I’d love to meet somewhere other than your bar, but I’m actually out of town at the moment. Business trip. New York. Egh. I’ll be back on Friday, though, if you’re free.

Oh, and let me give you my number. I won’t be able to talk much during the trip, but I’ll be spending most of the meetings texting and playing solitaire on my phone. 323-555-6767

Chapter 12

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 “Hey, Kat.”

Kat looked up from restocking the glasses, grinning. She forgot for an instant after she heard her name that it couldn’t be Scott greeting her. He was in New York.

Her eyes landed on probably the last person she wanted to see, now or ever again. Henry slid into Scott’s barstool, grinning at her. “Miss me?”

Kat’s smile melted into a grimace. “Hardly.” She muttered.

After two weeks of seeing and talking to Scott, Kat had nearly forgotten how grungy Henry was. Scott always looked clean and inviting, even when he was dressed causally and hadn’t bothered shaving that morning. He had looked that way last Saturday. She had never found that ‘just rolled out of bed’ look all that attractive, but he made it look scrumptious.

Henry, on the other hand, looked at all times as though he had just rolled out of bed. Usually because he just had. He was a dj, not very famous, so he was kind of nocturnal. He generally played to skeazy night clubs and strip joints. That how they had met.

Henry slept in his clothes and only changed them once every few days. He thought his stubble made him look sexy, so he only shaved every couple of weeks. He had a little muscle tone, but he was very pale. Whatever ‘look’ he was going for, he generally looked like he had just come out of an alcohol and drug induced coma. Again, usually because he just had.

Henry tsked at her. “Come on, girl, don’t be like that. You totally shot me down last night.”

Kat sighed. “You need to leave, Henry.”

“Come on, Kat. At least let me buy you a drink.”

Kat turned to glare at him. “I don’t drink anymore, Henry.”

Henry’s eyes widened in shock. “What, like, not at all?” Kat rolled her eyes. “No, Henry. Not at all.” she said, sounding tired.

“Well, no wonder you’re so uptight! You need to relax, girl, let me get you something to drink.”

Kat looked back up at him, glaring. “You know, Henry, I never drank before I started dating you, either.”

“I know, right? We had a lot of fun that first night, didn’t we?” Henry winked. Kat fought the urge to slap him.

“Get out of here, Henry.”

“Aw, come on, Kat. Don’t be like that.”

Kat slapped her hand down on the bar. “I said, leave!” She nearly shouted, her eyes blazing.

Henry stood, shocked. “Jesus, bitch, what the fuck is wrong with you lately?”

Kat took a deep breath. Her outburst had startled a few of the people at the other end of the bar. They were staring now, but Kat was surprised to find she didn’t really care. She was used to being stared at from all the time she spent with Lisa.

“I’ve moved on, Henry.” Kat said, lowering her voice. “I’ve grown a spine, and I don’t need you anymore. Not for support, not that you ever gave me any anyway, not for sex, not for anything. Lose my number, douchebag, I’m over you.”

Chapter 13

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Scott’s Cell

Unknown (2325552793): Hi, Scott, this is Kat. I figured I’d just text you, so you had my number. And also, I work on Friday, but I’m free that morning. Not lunch though. I’m meeting my friend Lisa, she’s gonna tell her husband she’s pregnant and I wanna be there. I mean, you can join us, though, if you want. This is long, sorry.

Kat’s Phone

Scott (ANSWER THIS CALL IMMEDIATELY ScottSexyDrool): Hey, Kat, don’t worry about the long message. I’m about to die of boredom here, so I really don’t mind. And breakfast or lunch sounds great. I have Friday off, so I’m free for whatever.

Scott’s Cell

Kat (Gorgeous): Oh, ok, cool. Maybe we’ll do both :3

Kat’s Phone

Scott (ANSWER THIS CALL IMMEDIATELY ScottSexyDrool): So, what about your tv show? Or did you have one in mind?

Scott’s Cell

Kat (Gorgeous): Oh, that’s right, you did ask about that, didn’t you? Well, I guess I kinda have an idea for one.

Kat’s Phone

Scott (ANSWER THIS CALL IMMEDIATELY ScottSexyDrool): Well? Don’t leave me hanging, I’m dying here! I swear to god, if I hear one more suit say the words ‘Bottom Line’ I might have to jab someone in the neck with a ballpoint pen.

Scott’s Cell

Kat (Gorgeous): HAHA! Omigosh, that’s hilarious. Hey, you never actually told me what it is you do?

Kat’s Phone

Scott (ANSWER THIS CALL IMMEDIATELY ScottSexyDrool): Sit around and look pretty. ;3 Actually, my official title is “Directional Advisor”, whatever the hell that means. To the best of my knowledge the extent of my job is to nod, feign interest, and call the other board members out when they’re being douchebags. So, what about your show idea?

Scott’s Cell

Kat (Gorgeous): Oh, right, ok. Well, I just kind of had this idea for something that was loosely based on different fairy tales. Only in a modern setting. Like, ‘Red Riding Hood’ could be a red headed doctor, and the ‘Wolf’ would be a cannibalistic serial killer.

Kat’s Phone

Scott (ANSWER THIS CALL IMMEDIATELY ScottSexyDrool): That actually sounds really cool. And the ‘Woodsman’ would be a cop?

Scott’s Cell

Kat (Gorgeous): Yup, and of course he’s also the romantic interest. And I thought that as a twist near the end, the real mastermind behind the murders could be one of red’s grandmother’s bridge partners, only it’s her grandson doing the actual killings.

Kat’s Phone

Scott (ANSWER THIS CALL IMMEDIATELY ScottSexyDrool): That sounds really, really cool. I could really see that being a series. Do you have a script?

Chapter 14

Back To Top “Ok, it’s my announcement. Why are we shopping for clothes for you?” Lisa sat on one of the plush chairs scattered around the shop, jiggling one of her legs.

“None of your business. Eat your bacon ice cream.”

“It’s vanilla ice cream with bacon bits sprinkles, and now you HAVE to tell me.”

Kat poked her head out of the dressing room. She was blushing. “Ok…I might have a date.”

Lisa jumped to her feet. “WHAT? Omigawd, really?” Her shoulders slumped for a second. “Oh, god, please tell me it’s not Henry.”

Kat rolled her eyes and pulled her head back behind the curtain. “Of course it’s not Henry, jesus. His name is Scott, and I met him a couple of weeks ago.”

Lisa settled back down into her chair. “Is he cute?”

“Oh, my god.” Kat groaned. “You have no idea.”

“Is his net worth more than his socks?”

Kat stepped out of the dressing room. The dress was white with a blue design, and a thick blue belt around her waist. Lisa shook her head. “You look like you just stepped off ‘Little House on the Prairie'” she said.

Kat sighed and stepped back behind the curtain. “I have got to find something to wear.” She poked her head back out again. “And yes, his net worth is more than his socks.” She said, and pulled her head back. “It’s probably more than yours, he’s on the board of directors or something for some company.” Lisa whistled. “Nice. It’s good to know you can be attracted to someone who’s not a total douche. Maybe I could help more with the dress if I knew what you were looking for.”

“Something that’ll make his pants explode.”

“Well, then, we’re at the wrong store, sweetie.”

Chapter 15

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Jason’s Phone

Scott (Jack’s son): Dude, you were so right about Kat’s ideas. That show is gonna be epic.

Scott’s Cell

Jason (The Place): I so told you. Are you back already?

Jason’s Phone

Scott (Jack’s son): Yeah, my plane just landed. Bored out of my mind. You know what you didn’t tell me, though, by the way, is how gorgeous she is.

Scott’s Cell

Jason (The Place): It’s the eyes, isn’t it, you sap.

Jason’s Phone

Scott (Jack’s son): OMFG YES.

Scott’s Cell

Jason (The Place): I had heard that you two might be dating. So are you coming to the lunch tomorrow? Lisa’s really excited about announcing she’s pregnant.

Jason’s Phone

Scott (Jack’s son): Sure, but I thought it was supposed to be a surprise? Did she tell you?

Scott’s Cell

Jason (The Place): Are you kidding me? The woman was eating a hot dog, wrapped in a CHOCOLATE CAKE, covered in MUSTARD. Either she’s pregnant, or she needs to see a goddamn doctor.

Jason’s Phone

Scott (Jack’s son): HA! Ok, yeah, I’ll be there.

Scott’s Cell

Jason (The Place): Sweet. So where are you headed once you’re off the plane?

Jason’s Phone

Scott (Jack’s son): Just walked into the terminal now. Thank god for first class. I was probably gonna head home and sleep, why?

Scott’s Cell

Jason (The Place): Nothing much, it’s just that Kat picked up a shift tonight. Not that I don’t appreciate it, but she usually only does that when something’s upsetting her. You know, to take her mind off it or something.

Jason’s Phone

Scott (Jack’s son): I’ll be there in, like, 10 minutes.

Chapter 16

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Kat’s Phone

Unknown (3235554178): where ru?

Pimptastic’s Phone

Katrina (Easy sex): Henry? Didn’t I tell you to lose my number? I’m BUSY, and I’m not interested it sleeping with you, anyway.

Kat’s Phone

Unknown (3235554178): its thursday, you don’t work on thursday. jesus, bitch, wut is with you? you were never this fucking prissy before.

Pimptastic’s Phone

Katrina (Easy sex): I picked up a shift, jackass. Find someone else to fuck.

Chapter 17

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 Kat’s back was turned toward him when Scott stepped into the bar. She looked like she was still straightening up after fixing some kind of fruity cocktail – there wear a few pieces of sliced apple still on a small cutting board beside her – but she was currently typing furiously into her cell phone.

Scott waited until she had jabbed the ‘Send’ key and snapped the phone shut before saying, “Hey, beautiful.”

Kat squeaked, jumped and spun to face him. She looked almost angry until her eyes met his.

Her face broke into a wide grin. “Scott!” She said, and then frowned. “I thought you didn’t get in until tomorrow?”

Scott shook his head, “No, about an hour ago, actually. I was going to just go to sleep, but Jason told me you were working tonight, and I wanted to see you.”

Kat grinned again, and blushed, but she still looked confused. “Jason told you? How do you know Jason?”

Scott’s eyes widened, and he looked like he was about to choke. “Crap, I don’t think I was supposed to let that slip.”

Kat put her hands on her hips, and raised an eyebrow. “Let what slip?”

Scott leaned back in his seat and held up his hands. “Nothing! I don’t even know Jason that well. We only met because he knows my dad.”

Kat relaxed, but she was still frowning. “How’s that?”

Scott dropped his hands back down to the bar. “My dad helped finance the restaurant when it was starting up. Apparently, Jason’s is the best spaghetti sauce my dad has ever eaten.”

Kat snorted and dropped her head into her hand. “Yeah, probably.” She muttered. When she looked back at Scott, she looked almost tired. “Would I be right in the assumption that Jason had something to do with you suddenly popping into my life?”

Scott winced. “He suggested I meet you, but it wasn’t to set us up or anything.”

Kat sighed and looked away. She was still frowning.

Scott leaned forward again, and touched her arm lightly. “Am I in trouble?” he asked, with a raised eyebrow and a small smile.

Kat looked back at him, shocked. When she saw his face, hers melted back into a smile. “Don’t mind me, I haven’t had the best night.”

Scott grinned. “Don’t suppose I could help with that?”

Kat shrugged, blushing. She was about to say something, when her eyes were drawn to something behind him. She grimaced and groaned.

Scott turned to look. A short redheaded woman had just stepped into the bar, carrying a large bag overflowing with clothes, and a small cup of what looked like it might be tomato juice that she was gulping through a straw.

“Good, I’m glad you’re still here!” She chirped at Kat, dashing behind the bar and dropping the bag on the ground. “I know you’re off in, like, fifteen minutes. Are you still wearing that lingerie we got for you earlier today?”

Kat gaped at her, her face a bright red. The woman didn’t wait for an answer, instead darting forward and grabbing hold of the front of Kat’s uniform. The white shirt was unbuttoned nearly to the top of the vest. She pulled both the vest and shirt forward and peeked down. “Yes! Ok, good. I wanna see how they look with this dress.” She said, moving back to the bag and rifling around inside of it.

“Omigod, Lisa.” Kat muttered, dropping her head into her hands.

Lisa turned back to her, holding a short, lacy, black and red dress. “What? You told me you wanted his pants to explode! What, you don’t want my help all of a sudden?”

Kat threw her hands up in the air. “Lisa, this is Scott.” She said, motioning to him. His expression was utterly shocked. “Scott, this is my former best friend, Lisa.” Lisa was startled for only a second, before she reached out to grab Scotts hand and shake it enthusiastically. “Kat’s told me so much about you.” She said with a lecherous grin.

Kat groaned again. “Lisa, I hate you.”

But Scott was laughing. “No, it’s alright. It’s nice you meet you, Lisa.” He nodded toward the dress she was holding. “Is that for me?”

Lisa shrugged. “In a manner of speaking.” Kat growled at her.

“KAT!” A voice suddenly shouted from the front of the restaurant. Kat looked up at the entrance to the bar area in shock. Lisa looked pretty shocked, too, but a lot more pissed off.

“KAT,” he shouted again. Something fell, there was a sound of glass shattering. “Goddamn it.” he muttered.

Lisa put her hands on her hips. “We need a fricken bouncer.” She said under her breath.

“This isn’t the kind of place that usually calls for one.” Kat said quietly, her mouth barely moving. She looked frozen.

Scott frowned, worried. He turned around again to see a guy stumble against the doorway leading from the hostess and waiting area into the bar. He looked like, if he were clean, he might be a goth or punk. He was pale and skinny, and dressed in all blacks or grays or rivets. But his entire font was spattered with what looked like vomit, and he was utterly trashed. Scott had never seen the term “Slobbering drunk” taken to such a literal extreme.

“Kat…why won’t you, why won’t you, why, why,” He hiccupped. “Why won’t you be with me?”

Kat groaned. Scott looked back at her. Her lip was curled in disgust. “Henry, get the hell out of here. You’re drunk off your ass, you need to go sleep it off.” She turned to Lisa. “We should probably call him a cab.” Lisa nodded and pulled out her phone.

Henry shook his head and stumbled forward. “Don’t you, don’t you, you know….don’t you know that I wanna BE with you?” He sobbed. Scott grimaced when he came within range. The man smelled like tequila, vomit, and bad choices.

Kat rolled her eyes. “Henry, you douchebag. You dumped me, remember?”

Henry made it to the bar and slumped against it, sagging between two of the barstools. “I, I only…only did that ’cause you were…you were being such a drag all the time.” He sputtered. “I just…just wanted you back to normal. We could…we could have started over.” He was rubbing his face lovingly against the bar.

Scott tried to discreetly breathe through his mouth. He raised his eyebrows at Kat. “Don’t tell me you actually dated this jackass.”

Kat shrugged, her eyebrows drawn together. “My mom had just died. It wasn’t one of my better decisions.”

Henry was squinting at Scott. He tried to straighten back into a standing position. “Who…who-who-who…who…” He wobbled and grabbed the edge of the bar. “Who is this…THIS jackass?” He said, jabbing a finger at Scott.

“Lisa?” Jason called from the front. He walked into the bar, looking confused. “I was just locking up, what happened to the vase?” He asked. He looked up at Lisa, and caught sight of Henry. His shoulders slumped. “We need a bouncer.” He muttered.

Lisa pulled the phone away from her ear. “I know, right? That’s what I said!” She reached out to tap Kat on the shoulder. “Guy says the cab will be here in, like, five minutes.” She said. Kat nodded.

Henry was still pointing at Scott, glaring. Kat reached out and grabbed Henry’s hand to throw it down. Scott looked like he was about to break it. “Listen, Henry, I’m only gonna say this one more time. I’m over you. Find someone else to be your booty call, you prick.”

Henry turned back to her and threw his hands up, wailing in exasperation. “Jesus, you uptight BITCH! It’s just SEX! Ever since you stopped fucking drinking, all you’ve been is this-this-this whiney, prissy little bitch!”

Kat didn’t get a chance to respond. Before Henry had even finished sputtering the last word, Scott grabbed him by the shoulder to turn him back to face him. Henry had time for one confused look before Scott’s fist connected squarely with his jaw. He dropped like a bag of rocks.

Scott turned back to Kat, shaking his hand out. “Sorry.” He said, “But I’ve wanted to do that since he first stepped in here.”

Lisa nudged Kat. “I LIKE him.” She whispered loudly. Scott laughed.

Kat grinned. “Me too” She whispered back.

Chapter 18

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 Scott shoved Henry into the back of the cab, while Kat told the driver where to take him.

Kat handed the driver some money. “If he’s not conscious by the time you get there,” She said. “Just shove him out onto the sidewalk. It won’t be the first time he’s woken up there.”

Lisa was laughing as the cab rolled away. Jason had already locked up, and they were getting ready to leave. “It was about damn time someone knocked the prick out.” She said, hugging Kat. “I’m just sorry it wasn’t me.”

Kat laughed. “That makes two of us.” She said.

“Well, next time I’ll take a poll before attempting to bash his brains in.” Scott said, coming up behind Kat and wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

Lisa smirked at him. “You’d better, buddy.” She said, pointing at him. She started back up, toward her car. “You sure you’re gonna be ok?” She asked Kat.

Kat nodded. “Scott is gonna give me a ride home, since you dropped me off earlier. We’ll be fine.”

She looked back and forth between the two of them, before she grinned and dropped down into the front seat of her car. “I put that dress into your purse, just in case.” She called before she closed the door. She turned on her car and rolled down the window. She was grinning as she pulled out of the space. “You two have fun!” She cried, before speeding away.

Scott looked down at Kat. “I wonder what that was supposed to mean.”

Kat smiled and shrugged. “No idea.”

Chapter 19

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 They didn’t make it to the bed.

Kat stretched her leg out to kick the front door closed. Scott was on the floor beneath her, and she was quite certain that no man had ever felt so good between her legs. Scott grabbed her arms and tugged her down to kiss her again. His shirt was gone, and so was hers. For the life of her she couldn’t think of where, or even when they had disappeared.

“This isn’t exactly what I had in mind when I offered to keep you company.” Scott whispered, dropping his mouth to trail kisses along her jaw and neck.

“Are you complaining?” Kat asked breathlessly. She dragged her hands across his abdomen, shuddering slightly when she felt his very well defined thankyouverymuch abs tighten at the contact.

Scott groaned. “No.” he replied, and rolled over so that she was beneath him. His hands trailed down from her rib cage to her hips, tugging lightly on her pants. When had they gotten unbuttoned?

Scott’s mouth dropped from her jaw to her neck. His chin brushed against one of her breasts, and he dropped his head further to press his cheek against the lace of her bra. “Was this meant to make my pants explode?” He asked huskily, only a hint of humor audible through the lust.

Kat whimpered and squirmed. Her pants were nearly off, but he was moving far too slowly. “Yes.” She gasped, starting to kick her legs when her pants began to bunch up at her feet. She noticed for the first time that her shoes were gone. She wanted to worry- where the hell were all her clothes disappearing to?- but his hands were sliding against her bare legs and she couldn’t think of anything else.

“Are they working?” she breathed finally, when she noticed his hands lingering at her panties.

Scott groaned. “Uncomfortably well.” He grunted. He grabbed her hand and led it to the button of his jeans. His face was still pressed between her breasts, and his other hand was fiddling with the clasp to her bra.

Kat struggled to get his jeans unbuttoned and unzipped, a feat made nearly impossible by how hard they were straining against his erection. Kat almost felt like screaming when the zipper got caught half way down. She was seriously contemplating finding a pair of scissors, when Scott’s hips shifted just right, and his pants came the rest of the way undone.

Scott groaned when he was finally free, and ground his hips hard against Kat’s without thinking. Kat cried out, reaching up to dig her nails into his shoulders.

Scott finally got her bra unclasped, and practically ripped it off of her. His head dipped to take one of her breasts into his mouth. His hands were everywhere. Kat writhed, overwhelmed.

His mouth closed around her nipple, sucking hard, and Kat whimpered helplessly. Honestly, she was shocked at her reactions. Never before in her life had she ever responded so quickly, so passionately, to a man. Heat shot through her body with every pull of his mouth, almost violently, leaving her gasping in a need that she had absolutely no idea how to brace herself against. The heat coursing through her body was a feeling that was completely foreign to her. No one had ever made her feel this way. Though, to be fair, the only other man she had ever been with was Henry. He wasn’t exactly the most thoughtful lover; she could count on one hand how many times he had ever made her come. Not that he had ever tried. One of Scott’s hands tangled itself in her hair, the other reached down to cup her free breast, squeezing gently. Kat’s back arched automatically, almost a reflex. Every time he touched her, he seemed to leave a wake of throbbing pleasure. His tongue circled her nipple once, twice, before he bit down softly. Kat choked back a sob. She had no idea anything even could feel this good.

“Scott.” She choked out, her voice heavy with lust. “Please.” She begged.

She had no idea what she was begging for. She had never felt this kind of passion before in her life. He smelled so good and he felt so good, and god, he sounded SO GOOD, and goddamn it why wasn’t he naked yet?!

“Scott…” Kat whimpered again. “Hurry up.”

Scott groaned, his head moving to lavish her other breast. “Don’t rush me.” He muttered.

Kat’s back arched again, quite involuntarily. “Don’t tease me!” she cried in response. Scott groaned, and immediately sat up. He reached down to shed his jeans and boxers, almost falling over in the process. He tossed them off somewhere to the right and then finally, finally, he knelt before her, completely naked. Kat fought the urge to stare. He was so much bigger than she was used to.

Scott reached down to tug her panties off. Kat lifted her hips immediately, then once they were low enough kicked them off and across the room.

“Condoms?” He husked out.

“Purse.” Kat answered immediately.

Scott reached over to where she’d dropped it, by the door. He didn’t bother trying to rifle through it, instead tipping it over and dumping everything on the floor. The instant the condoms came into view he grabbed one and ripped it open.

Kat wasn’t paying attention. She had sat up with him, and was trailing kisses along his shoulders and neck, trying to catch her breath. She felt like she would go insane if she didn’t have him inside her now.

Kat shuddered in anticipation when his hands returned to her body. He was shaking as he laid her down on her back again. He hovered above her, breathing hard. “God, Kat.” He husked. “You make me crazy.”

Kat stared back up at him, and shook her head sharply. “Not as crazy as you’re making me.” She whispered, her voice strained. He shifted, and the movement sent another wave of heat coursing through her. She gasped, digging her nails into his shoulder again. He shuddered and groaned. “I find that hard to believe.” He whispered back, moving closer. He buried his head in her neck, kissing her. He kept one hand on her back as he slid his other down to clutch her hip. A trail of heat followed every movement, making Kat shake. She couldn’t take much more of this! And then, in one fluid movement, he was inside her. She bit into his shoulder without thinking, trying not to scream. Scott grunted and groaned low.

Scott was breathing hard, his face still pressed against her neck. Kat squirmed, wanting him to move. He chuckled breathily, but didn’t budge. She whimpered quietly, and brought her legs up to wrap around his waist. She squeezed hard and thrust herself against him.

Scott groaned low and long, the hands pressed against her back trembling for a moment.

He began to move, and Kat moaned low. With every thrust, her body felt hotter. Her breath came in sharp, choked gasps. Scott pressed a soft kiss against her jaw, close to her ear, and she thought she would explode.

Kat felt her body pulse, and she cried out…

Chapter 20

Back To Top

 “Scott?” Kat muttered sleepily. They had finally made it to her bed, after numerous detours around her apartment. She’d never be able to look at her couch the same way again. Or her kitchen sink. Or her washing machine.

Scott wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her closer. “Hm?” He breathed. He sounded just as sleepy as she was. Kat glanced up at her alarm clock. Well, no wonder! It was nearly six a.m.

“I was wondering.” Kat whispered. “If Jason wasn’t trying to set us up, why did he tell you to meet me?”

Scott’s face was pressed against her neck ,so when he smiled, she felt it. “I work for a television network.” He muttered. “He was hoping I could help your career.”

Kat shifted, turning on her side to look at him. Her eyes were wide, or at least, as wide as she could make them with how tired she was. Scott just smiled at her drowsily. When Kat’s face split into a grin, it was dazzling.

“I love you.” She whispered softly.

Scott lifted his head to press a gentle kiss against her lips. When his head dropped back to the pillow, he moved closer to nuzzle her ear. “Love you too.” he murmured.

Chapter 21

Back To Top

Kat’s Phone

Lisa (Nutjob BFF): WHY WEREN’T YOU HERE???

My Awesome Phone

Kitty Kat (BFF): Omigod, Lisa! I’m so sorry!!! I overslept!!

Kat’s Phone

Lisa (Nutjob BFF): Overslept, my ass! You were just too busy boffing your new boyfriend to come and admit TO MY FACE that you had already told everyone that I was pregnant!

My Awesome Phone

Kitty Kat (BFF): They knew?? Oh, Lisa, I’m so sorry! I know how much you were looking forward to announcing it! How did they find out?

Kat’s Phone

Lisa (Nutjob BFF): Don’t you play innocent with me! Jason told me it was my cravings that tipped him off, but I know the truth! Some best friend YOU are!

My Awesome Phone

Kitty Kat (BFF): Well, sweetie, you were kind of eating pork rinds covered in chocolate sauce the other day.

Kat’s Phone

Lisa (Nutjob BFF): Your point is?

My Awesome Phone

Kitty Kat (BFF): Ok, listen, I know something that will definitely cheer you up.

Kat’s Phone

Lisa (Nutjob BFF): Don’t try and excuse your betrayal. I have already revoked your shotgun privileges. Jesus, I need a pickle and a stiff drink.

My Awesome Phone

Kitty Kat (BFF): No stiff drinks for you, pregnant lady. And though I maintain that I told NO ONE about your impregnated state, in an effort to bribe my shotgun privileges back from you, you should now that it was Jason who told Scott he should meet me.

Kat’s Phone

Lisa (Nutjob BFF): OMIGOD!! After all that talk about how I should butt out, HE’S setting you up? Oh, he is so gonna EAT this.

My Awesome Phone

Kitty Kat (BFF): ;3 thought you’d like that. Do I get my shotgun privileges back?

Kat’s Phone

Lisa (Nutjob BFF): Yes. I love you.

My Awesome Phone

Kitty Kat (BFF): Sweet. Now I’m off to continue boffing my new boyfriend. *smooch*

Chapter 22

Back To Top

Cheers for the breakout hit ‘Tales’. Five episodes in, and ratings are skyrocketing, and it doesn’t look like it’ll be slowing down any time soon. With the conclusion of the ‘Red Riding Hood’ arc this weekend, speculation abounds about the premise for the next one. I’m crossing my fingers for a ‘Cinderella’, but I’m old fashioned like that.

Back To Top

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